THE CIVILIZED BEHAVIOUR

Dear Muslims,

Please know that good conducts are one of the most important pillars for building civilisations. With good ethics communities become more coherent and stronger. This was illustrated by the Prophet pbuh when he said, "Indeed, I was sent to perfect good manners."

Good morals are the foundation of civilisations and with them nations develop. Indeed, the prosperity of a community is firmly linked to the civilised values embraced by its members and their adherence to them.

Allah, the Almighty, with His Wisdom has decreed that good deeds which are beneficial to people are the durable ones. He says, "as for the foam, it vanishes, [being] cast off; but as for that which benefits the people, it remains on the earth. Thus does Allah present examples." (Ar-Raad: 17).

Going deeper into the meaning of human civilised behaviour, it is the product of a person's noble characters which translate into an ideal way of speaking to and treating others. Those emanate from one's uppermost values and decent merits that respect the norms and traditions of their community and adhere to its laws and regulations. These would also be set according to certain standards that are laid down for the best interests of human beings in this world and in the Hereafter.

In this context, amongst of the finest manners are the good word of mouth and being kind when dealing with others. These are the same principles highlighted by our tolerant religion. Allah, the Almighty, says, "and speak to people good [words]." (Al-Baqara: 83). In the same regard, the Messenger of Allah pbuh said, "Behave well towards people."

Furthermore, in His Book, Allah, the Most Exalted, highlighted the importance of treating others decently. He says, "and if you had been rude [in speech] and harsh in heart, they would have disbanded from about you." (Al-Imran: 159).

To this effect, if a person commits a mistake, he is urged to apologise using the best of words and the finest and most likable expressions. One should also express sincere thanks and gratitude to others for excusing him. In return, we are expected to pardon others and accept their apologies if they mistreat us. This is because the culture of tolerance and justifying others' flaws is conducive to nurture a culture of constructive dialogue amongst people, which ultimately would enhance harmony and good ties within the community.

Other key qualities that are urged in this sense include cooperation on goodness and righteousness, extending helping hand during hardships as well as joyful occasions. Allah, the Most High, urges us to embrace such noble value for He says, "and cooperate in righteousness and piety." (Al-Maaida: 2).   

Such cooperation is built on mercy, kindness and knowing one another. Allah, the Almighty says, "O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another. Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you. Indeed, Allah is Knowing and Acquainted." (Al-Hujurat: 13).

Brothers and sisters;

There are many types and traits for the civilised behaviour, which covers all aspects of man's life. For instance, good appearance, nice clothing and cleanliness are amongst the key civilised behaviours that were emphasised in the holy Quran. Allah, the Most Exalted, says, "O children of Adam, take your adornment at every masjid." (Al-Aaraf: 31).

In like manner, the Prophet pbuh urged his companions, may Allah be pleased with them, to take good care of their appearance so as to be amongst the best looking people and set example to others.

On the other hand, the Messenger of Allah pbuh disapproved neglecting one's appearance. It was narrated that Jaber ibn Abdullah, may Allah be pleased with him, said, "The Messenger of Allah pbuh paid visit to us, and saw a dishevelled man whose hair was disordered. He said, 'could this man not find something to put his hair in order?' He saw another man wearing dirty clothes and said, 'could this man not find something to wash his garments with?'"

On another level, one of the other good characters that the Messenger of Allah pbuh called for is respecting the road manners. He pbuh said, "Give the road its due right." Truly, honouring road manners represents a civilised behaviour that, in turn, embodies respect to the rights of road goers.

Abiding by the rules and regulations related to using the public areas has a great effect in highlighting polished and civilised conducts. More importantly, it is conducive to safeguard people's lives and keep them away from discomfort. As such, all those who use the public areas should embrace such civilised manners and be consistent on implementing them.

On another note, a civilised person would always seek to perfect his work and be committed to it. They would also strive to better themselves both in knowledge and skill. This way, one would deliver the best quality of work, innovate in their performance and ensure to make best use of their time as well as respect that of others by keeping appointments and fulfilling commitments. Allah, the Most Gracious, says, "and the covenant of Allah fulfill. This has He instructed you that you may remember." (Al-Anaam: 152).

This means Allah, the Almighty, instructs you to fulfil your promise and stressed on doing so that you may be guided. A covenant means a documented undertaking, while fulfilling the covenant means that a person does what one has promised to do. Indeed, honouring promises is a civilised and righteous behaviour that reflects sound thinking, strong character and respect to one's word of mouth.

Allah, the Most High, praised His Prophet Ismael puh for his honesty and commitment towards his promises. He says, "and mention in the Book, Ishmael. Indeed, he was true to his promise, and he was a messenger and a prophet." (Mariam: 54).

Furthermore, Allah, the Almighty, praises the people of understanding and wisdom as being committed to their word and fulfilling to their promises for He says, "they will only be reminded who are people of understanding, those who fulfil the covenant of Allah and do not break the contract." (Ar-Raad: 19-20).

Dear brothers and sisters;

Civilised behaviour is acquired from home and family. Naturally, children when born will be as clear as a white sheet of paper. The responsibility of filling such sheet lies with the parents who nurse them and nurture all good ethics into their minds and souls.

Parents are responsible for raising their children on good conducts and direct them to seek beneficial knowledge and high status. This is why parents are accountable towards Allah, the Most Gracious, for their kids on the Day of Judgment. Schools also carry equally important role in instilling the noble human values and behaviours in the minds and hearts of children. This is conducive to help the children in contributing to preserving their nation's civilisation and hone their skills and manners through positively interacting with others.

Please be aware, that the most important thing we should advise each other about is obeying Allah, the Most Glorious, as befitting to His Glorious Status, be steadfast on adhering to His orders, and know that civilised manners have a great positive impact on individuals. Through refined conducts one will, by Allah's grace, attain great provisions in this life and the next. Civilised people would earn Allah's satisfaction and people's respect and thereby be close to their heart.

On this account, the Prophet pbuh said, "If Allah loves a person, He calls Jibril (Gabriel) saying, 'Allah loves so and so; O Gabriel, love him.' Jibril would love him, and then Jibril would make an announcement among the dwellers of the Heaven, 'Allah loves so-and-so, therefore, you should love him also.' So, all the dwellers of the Heavens would love him and then he is granted the pleasure of the people of the earth."

Those who embrace good ethics would also, by Allah's favour, be successful in their work, excelling in their life, tolerant towards others and interactive with their real life, reflecting thereby a bright and praiseworthy image about their homeland.

Truly, when civilised conducts become the norm within a community, its members would cherish advancement, prosperity, maturity, strength and welfare. Thus, it is a duty incumbent on all of us to promote such civilised ethics and implement the principles of Islam, which represents the highest degrees of civilised behaviour.  

KHADIJAH THE GREAT

The first wife of the Prophet, the first woman in Islam was: Khadijah (may Allah bless her), the Mother of the Believers, the leader of all the women in creation. Pure and noble, she was of great intelligence and discernment; in that she chose the master of creation as a husband. For when he reached twenty-five years, and when she learnt the truthfulness of his speech, the immensity of his trustworthiness, the nobility of his character, the fair-mindedness of his opinions, she summoned for him.

 She then said: "I shall give you double of what I give a person from your people, that you become a merchant with my money". The Prophet accepted the offer. When he returned back from the Caravan, he came back with double the amount of profit  or the like. So she sent for him and said to him: "O son of my uncle, indeed I am hopeful to be related to you, by your position in your community, the immensity of your faithfulness, the nobility of your character, the truthfulness of your speech."

So the Prophet married her. So her house was full of love and the happiness of married love. She was distinguished by the inherent wisdom she had in her words and speech. She spent of her money and the Prophet continued to engage in trade on her behalf. Until he reached the age of forty and the revelation first descended. When his initial experience was to fear for himself, and he was in need for someone to support him, she was the one who reassured and calmed his fear, giving him peace through the words:

كَلَّا وَاللَّهِ مَا يُخْزِيكَ اللَّهُ أَبَدًا

By Allah - Allah will never disappoint you.

She went with him to her cousin Waraqah bin Nawfal, requesting him to interpret what had happened, so she said: " O cousin, listen to your nephew." So the Prophet informed Waraqah about the events that had befallen, at which point Waraqah gave them the glad tidings of Prophethood.

Khadijah (may Allah bless her) was the first person to have revelation descend in her house, the first to become Muslim with the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), the first to pray with the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him).

The Prophet used to love Khadijah immensely, he said:

إِنِّي قَدْ رُزِقْتُ حُبَّهَا

I was blessed with love for her

This was no doubt because of her great intelligence, her firmness of faith, the beauty of her love, kindness of her speech, the concern and care of her companionship, her expending of her wealth and her great patience in facing the tribulations that were to face them. She always had contentment, being a strong believer in Allah. The Prophet was blessed through her with: Qasim, Abdullah, two sons both of whom died young, and four daughters: Zaynab, Ruqayyah, Umm Kulthum and Fatimah, may Allah be pleased with them all. She was an immensely compassionate woman. Noble and generous. Always caring for her sons and daughters, she would not spare an effort when it came to their eternal happiness.

When her daughter Zaynab got married, she gave her a precious necklace to wear it the first time she would meet her husband Abu Aas. And in compensation for what Khadijah (may Allah bless her) had given for Islam, towards the end of her life, the Angel Jibril descended and gave her glad tidings in her house, saying to the Prophet:

هَذِهِ خَدِيجَةُ قَدْ أَتَتْ مَعَهَا إِنَاءٌ فِيهِ إِدَامٌ، أَوْ طَعَامٌ أَوْ شَرَابٌ، فَإِذَا هِيَ أَتَتْكَ فَاقْرَأْ عَلَيْهَا السَّلَامَ مِنْ رَبِّهَا وَمِنِّي، وَبَشِّرْهَا بِبَيْتٍ فِي الْجَنَّةِ مِنْ قَصَبٍ، لَا صَخَبَ فِيهِ وَلَا نَصَبَ

This is Khadija coming to you with a dish having meat soup (or some food or drink). When she reaches you, greet her on behalf of her Lord (i.e. Allah) and on my behalf, and give her the glad tidings of having a Qasab palace in Paradise wherein there will be neither any noise nor any fatigue (trouble) . "





In other words her home would be from arranged pearls. This would be in reward for all the fatigue that she exerted in support of her husband. How she gave him contentment during difficult times. Making easy for him every difficulty. This is why she was deservedly called from the best women of Paradise, as the Prophet said:

أَفْضَلُ نِسَاءِ أَهْلِ الْجَنَّةِ: خَدِيجَةُ بِنْتُ خُوَيْلِدٍ، وَفَاطِمَةُ بِنْتُ مُحَمَّدٍ، وَآسِيَةُ بِنْتُ مُزَاحِمٍ امْرَأَةُ فِرْعَوْنَ، وَمَرْيَمُ ابْنَةُ عِمْرَانَ

The Best of women of Paradise are: Khadijah bint Khuwaylid, Fatimah bint Muhammad, Asiyyah bint Muzahim, the wife of the Pharaoh, and Maryam bint Imran.

Whenever the Prophet would remember her he would say:

قَدْ آمَنَتْ بِي إِذْ كَفَرَ بِي النَّاسُ، وَصَدَّقَتْنِي إِذْ كَذَّبَنِي النَّاسُ، وَوَاسَتْنِي بِمَالِهَا إِذْ حَرَمَنِي النَّاسُ، وَرَزَقَنِي اللَّهُ عَزَّ وَجَلَّ وَلَدَهَا إِذْ حَرَمَنِي أَوْلَادَ النِّسَاءِ

She was the one who believed in me when no-one did, she was the one who said I was truthful when the people said I lied, she was the one who spread her wealth for me when others deprived me and she was the one I was blessed by Allah to have my children with when Allah gave me no children through other women [The Prophet would later have Ibrahim from Maria al-Qibtiyya, who died young in his infancy]

This is sufficient evidence for the preservation of love of one's wife, the need to honor her family, to do this during her life and even if she was to die before one. What an example there is for husbands in seeing how the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) used to honour his wives, and what an example there is for wives in seeing how the mothers of the believers, may Allah be pleased with them all, interacted with the Prophet.

It is clear that women are the counterpart and partners of men, and they are partners in the doing of good deeds and their reward, all of this is confirmed

by the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) when he said:

نَعَمْ إِنَّمَا النِّسَاءُ شَقَائِقُ الرِّجَالِ

Woman are counterpart of men.

And in this regard Khadijah, may Allah be pleased with her, was a model of excellence for what it means to be a distinguished woman in her social and practical affairs, and what it means to be a good wife. She was not only a wife and mother, but she as also a successful businesswoman as the books of biography and history have recorded many prominent models of women who were pioneers in industry and work, Khadijah is the greatest of them.

From such women we find women becoming doctors, teachers, great poets, and so on. Hence it is good for parents to direct their daughters and children to read about them, to learn from their lives, to take lessons and benefit from their careers, all of which will help enable a society and noble generation of ethics and behavior, pioneering in knowledge and ethics.

WHEN FRIENDS HURT EACH OTHER

Imam Malik one day entered the Masjid after Asr. Towards the front of Masjid An-Nabawee he drew closer and sat down. Rasul Allah had commanded that anyone who enters the Masjid should not sit until he first prays 2 rakas as a salutation of the Masjid. Imam Malik was of the opinion however that Rasul Allah's forbiddance of praying after Asr took precedence and so he would teach his students to not pray the tahiyyatul Masjid if they entered between the Asr and Maghrib time. 

At that moment that Imam Malik sat down, a young boy had seen him sit without first praying the 2 raka’s of Tahiyyatul Masjid. The young boy scorned him, “Get up and pray 2 rakas!”

Imam Malik dutifully stood up once again and began praying the 2 rakas. The students sat stunned: What was going on? Had Imam Malik’s opinion changed?

After he had completed the salah, the students swarmed around and questioned his actions. Imam Malik said, “My opinion has not changed, nor have I gone back on what I taught you earlier. I merely feared that had I not prayed the 2 rakas as the young boy commanded, Allah may include me in the Ayah…

"And when it is said to them, ‘Bow (in prayer)’, they do not bow." - al mursalat 77/48.

Imam Ahmad held the opinion that eating camel meat nullifies ones Wudu, an opinion that the majority of scholars differed from. Some students asked him, “If you find an Imam eating camel meat in front of you and – without first making Wudu - then leads the Salah, would you pray behind him?” Imam Ahmad replied, “Do you think I would not pray behind the likes of Imam Malik and Sa’eed ibn Al-Musayyab?”

Allah created humans with differences. It is the law of creation. Different tongues, different colors, different cultures… all that on the outside. On the inside, humans were created with many degrees of knowledge, intellect, and comprehension of concepts. This is all a sign of Allah’s all encompassing power to do whatever He wills:

"And among His signs is the creation of the heavens and the earth, and the variations in your languages and your colors: verily in that are signs for those who know." [30:22]

Humans shall differ, that is not the issue. The issue is: How as a Muslim should one confront these differences of opinions and what should be our relationship with someone of a different opinion.

Allah ta’ala commanded us to call and advise people in this Deen of Al-Islam. Many Muslims set off on this mission blindfolded, not realizing that the map was there in the Qur’an also. In fact, in the very same verse where Allah commanded us to call and advise people in this Deen, Allah taught us how to do it. Read the following verse carefully:

"Invite (fi’l Amr – Allah is commanding) to the way of your Lord with wisdom and good instruction and argue with them in a way that is best! " - Surah An-Nahl 16/125.

There is no need to philosophize. No need to talk in the flower gardens. It is right there, plain and simple for anyone who would take heed.  

There in that Ayah are the three ingredients to apply when we disagree with someone. The same Allah that taught us to debate the truth, taught us how to do it:

    1 - With Hikmah
    2 - With good instruction, and
    3 - To argue in a way that is best. 

What does it mean to have Hikmah when differing with someone?

The grandsons of Rasul Allah once set one of the most beautiful examples of Hikmah in advising others. Al-Hasan and Al-Husayn – in their young age - once saw a senior man performing Wudu incorrectly. Together they arranged a plan to teach the man without insulting him, advising him in a manner befitting of his age.  

Together they went to the senior and announced, “My brother and I have differed over who amongst us performs Wudu the best. Would you mind being the judge to determine which one of us indeed performs Wudu more correctly.”

The man watched intently as the two grandsons of Rasul Allah performed Wudu in an explicit manner. After they had completed, he thanked them and said, “By Allah, I did not know how to perform Wudu before this. You have both taught me how to do it correctly.”

We must understand that there are two dimensions to Hikmah. Firstly, there is the Hikmah of knowledge – Hikmah Ilmiyyah. And secondly, there is the Hikmah of Action – Hikmah Amaliyyah.

Some people may have Hikmah of knowledge. But we see that when they try correcting others, advising them, they lack the Hikmah of Action. This causes many a common folk to reject the Hikmah of knowledge.

To illustrate this hikmah of knowledge without Hikmah of action, a brother once completed the Salah in a local Masjid and then proceeded to shake hands with the people on his right and left. The brother to his immediate right slapped his hand and snapped, “That is not part of the Sunnah!” The man replied most correctly, “Oh, is disrespect and insult part of the Sunnah?”

To show Hikmah when we differ requires the following:

Sincerity

One: If we differ, our intentions should be that we are differing in the sincere hope of coming away with the truth. Our intentions should be sincere to Allah.

We should not differ just to release some hate or envy in our heart. We should not differ to embarrass someone like we may have been embarrassed.

Rasul Allah said, “Whoever learns knowledge – knowledge from that which should be sought for the sake of Allah – only to receive a commodity of the material world, he shall not find the fragrance of jannah on the day of resurrection.” - An authentic hadith narrated by Abu Dawood in Kitab Al- Ilm.

Kindness and Gentleness
Two: To have Hikmah when differing means we should rarely depart from an atmosphere of kindness and gentleness, we should seldom allow ourselves to become angry and raise our voices.

Fir’own was one of the evilest people that lived. Musa was one of the noblest. Look at how Allah told Musa to advise Fir’own…

"Go, both of you, to Fir’own. Indeed, he has transgressed. And speak to him with gentle speech, perhaps he may remember or fear (Allah)."

A man once entered upon the Khalifah and chastised him for some policies he had taken. The Khalifah replied, “By Allah, Fir’own was more eviler than me. And by Allah, Musa was more pious than you. Yet, Allah commanded him…'And speak to him with gentle speech, perhaps he may remember or fear (Allah).'"

Take Your Time and Clarify
Three: To have Hikmah when dealing with others is to be patient and clarify things before snapping to conclusions.

Imam Ahmad narrates with his chain of narrators leading to Ibn Abbas who said, “A man from Bani Saleem passed by a group of the Prophet’s companions. (At that time of war) The man said ‘as salamu alaykum’ to them. The companions concluded that he only said ‘as salamu alaykum’ to them as a deception to save himself from being caught. They surrounded him and Malham ibn Juthaamah killed him. From that event Allah revealed the verse…

"O you who have believed, when you go forth (to fight) in the cause of Allah, investigate, and do not say to one who gives you (a greeting of peace), “You are not a believer,” Aspiring for the goods of worldly life; for with Allah are many acquisitions. You (yourselves) were like that before; then Allah conferred His favor (i.e. guidance) upon you, so investigate. Indeed, Allah is ever with what you do, acquainted." - Surah AnNisa, 4/94. From Tafseer Ibn Katheer.

Speak Kindly
Fourthly, never trade in kind words for harshness, especially when dealing with other Muslims.

Look at the power of a sincere and polite word:

Mus’ab ibn Umayr was the first of ambassador of Rasul Allah in Madinah. Before Rasul Allah had arrived in Madinah, Mus’ab taught ahl al-Madinah about Islam and they began to enter the Deen.

This enraged Sa’d ibn ‘Ubaadah, one of the chieftains of Madinah. He sheathed his sword and set off for the head of Mus’ab ibn ‘Umayr. When he confronted Mus’ab he threatened, “Stop this nonsense you speak or you shall find yourself dead!”

Mus’ab replied in the way that should be a lesson for us all. This man before him did not stop at rudeness and ignorance, he wanted to slit his throat.

Mus’ab said, “Shall you not sit and listen for a few moments. If you agree with what I say then take it, and if not, we shall desist from this talk.” Sa’d sat down.

Mus’ab spoke about Allah and His messenger until the face of Sa’d ibn Ubaadah’s face shone like a full moon and he said, “What should a person do who wishes to enter into this Deen?” After Mus’ab had told him he said, “There is a man, if he accepts this Deen, there shall be no home in Madinah that will not become Muslim. Sa’d ibn Mu’aadh.”

When Sa’d ibn Mu’aadh heard what was happening, he was infuriated. He left his home to go and kill this man called Mus’ab ibn Umayr for the dissention he had caused. He entered upon Mus’ab and announced, “You shall desist of this religion you speak of or you shall find yourself dead!”

Mus’ab replied, “Shall you not sit and listen for a few moments. If you agree with what I say then take it, and if not, I shall desist from this talk.” Sa’d sat.

Mus’ab spoke about Allah and His messenger until the face of Sa’d ibn Mu’aadh’s face shone like a full moon and he said, “What should a person do who wishes to enter into this Deen?”

Look at what a kind word did. Sa’d ibn Mu’aadh went home to his Madinan tribe that night and announced to them all, “Everything of yours is Haram upon me until you all enter into Islam.”

That night, every home in Madinah went to bed with Laa ilaaha illa Allah,  all because of a kind word.

Part II: Who wins?

Mu’aawiyah ibn al-Hakam al-Salami. When he came to Madeenah from the desert, he did not know that it was forbidden to speak during the salaah. He relates: “Whilst I was praying behind the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), a man sneezed, so I said ‘Yarhamuk Allaah (may Allaah have mercy on you).’ The people glared at me, so I said, ‘May my mother lose me! What is wrong with you that you are looking at me?’ They began to slap their thighs with their hands, and when I saw that they were indicating that I should be quiet, I stopped talking (i.e., I nearly wanted to answer them back, but I controlled myself and kept quiet).

When the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) had finished praying – may my father and mother be sacrificed for him, I have never seen a better teacher than him before or since – he did not scold me or hit me or put me to shame. He just said, ‘This prayer should contain nothing of the speech of men; it is only tasbeeh and takbeer and recitation of the Qur’aan.’” (Saheeh Muslim, ‘Abd al-Baaqi edn., no. 537).

Islam showed us how to differ with one another. Some people think that we should never differ at all and all disagreements should be avoided. Nay, this is an incorrect assumption, for the Qur’an and Sunnah show clearly that when a mistake is made it should be corrected. Indeed helping others do what is right is a requirement of the Deen, sincere Naseeha.

We see when Rasul Allah turned away from AbdAllah ibn Umm Maktoom, the blind man, Allah corrected him in the Qur’an…

"The Prophet) frowned and turned away, Because there came to him the blind man But what could tell you that perchance he might become pure (from sins)? Or that he might receive admonition, and that the admonition might profit him?" – surah Abasa, 1-4

When Haatib ibn Abi Balta’ah (may Allaah be pleased with him) made the mistake of writing to the kuffaar of Quraysh and informing them of the direction in which the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was headed on a military campaign against them, Allaah revealed the words:

"O you who believe! Take not My enemies and your enemies as friends…" - Surah Mumtahinah/1  

And so on. Thus we learn that when a mistake happens it should be corrected. However, the method of correction is what needs our attention.

Whenever Muslims argue, it is as if each party carries a banner of: ‘I must win and you must lose!’ Careful study of the Sunnah however shows us that this is not always the case with the way Rasul Allah acted. Consider the following examples:

“I lose and you win!”
A Bedouin came to Rasul Allah and told him, “Give me from what Allah gave you, not from the wealth of your mother nor from the wealth of your father.” The Sahaabah were furious at the man and step forward to discipline him for what he said. Rasul Allah commanded everyone to leave him.

Then by the hand, Rasul Allah took him home, opened his door and said, “Take what you wish and leave what you wish.” The man did so and after he completed, Rasul Allah asked him, “Have I honored you?” “Yes, by Allah,” said the Bedouin. “Ash hadu an laa ilaaha illa Allah, wa ashhadu anna Muhammadar Rasul Allah.”

When the Sahabah heard of how the man changed, Rasul Allah taught them. “Verily the example of myself, you and this Bedouin is that of a man who had his camel run away. The townspeople tried capturing the camel for him by running and shouting after the camel, only driving it further away. The man would shout, ‘Leave me and my camel, I know my camel better.’ Then he took some grass in his hand, ruffled it in front of the camel, until it came willingly.

‘By Allah, had I left you to this Bedouin, you would have hit him, hurt him, he would have left without Islam and eventually have entered hellfire.”

“I win and you lose!”

A Muslim should not have an apologetic stance to everything he is confronted with. There are times when the truth must be said, when there is no room for flattery.

When the Makhzoomi women – a women from an affluent family – stole, people approached Rasul Allah to have her punishment canceled. Rasul Allah became very angry and stood on the pulpit and announced, “By Allah, had Fatima the daughter of Muhammad stole I would have cut her hand off.”

No room for flattery, the truth must be stood up for. It is here that the etiquette of disagreement that we talked earlier about should shine.

“I win and you win!”

There doesn’t always have to be a loser. We see in many cases that Rasul Allah gave a way out for the people he differed with.

When he sent the letter to Caesar, he said in it, “Become Muslim and you shall be safe, Allah shall give you your reward double!”

He did not say surrender or die! Nothing of the sort. Become Muslim and you shall win, rather your victory shall be double.

I shall end with this shining example of how to act with other Muslims from our role model, Abu Bakr:

Abu Bakr once disputed with another companion about a tree. During the dispute Abu Bakr said something that he rather would not have said. He did not curse, he did not attack someone’s honor, he did not poke a fault in anyone, all he said was something that may have hurt the other companion’s feelings.

Immediately, Abu Bakr – understanding the mistake - ordered him, “Say it back to me!” The companion said, “I shall not say it back.” “Say it back to me,” said Abu Bakr, “Or I shall complain to the Messenger of Allah.”  The companion refused to say it back and went on his way.

Abu Bakr went to Rasul Allah and related what had happened and what he said. Rasul Allah called that companion and asked him, “Did Abu Bakr say so and so to you?” He said, “Yes.” He said, “What did you reply.” He said, “I did not reply it back to him.” Rasul Allah said, “Good, do not reply it back to him (do not hurt Abu Bakr). Rather say, ‘May Allah forgive you O Abu Bakr!’”

The Companion turned to Abu Bakr and said, “May Allah forgive you O Abu Bakr! May Allah forgive you O Abu Bakr!” Abu Bakr turned and cried as he walked away.

Let us leave today with a resolve to revive this air Rasul Allah and his companions breathed, an air of mercy and love and brotherhood.